Grief is showing up today.
In two of my beautiful clients, both faced with loss and difficult choices in their own unique ways.
And it is inviting me to reflect on my own deep journey with loss. Both personal and professional.
I have shared before that there were long periods in my life where I felt my life was about loss. Loss of my fully-invested in long-term relationships. The fear of loosing my deepest dream to be a mum. Loss of a pregnancy. Loss of my health. Loss of my professional identity. Sometimes it felt like I was losing everything I had to hold on too. I have felt truly heart-broken and hopeless many times.
I have learned a lot over these years. And I am incredibly grateful for my man, my girl and the health I do have.
And now, I feel the wisdom of the priestess in me.
Who sits at a death bed in peace, holding space for the transition that is as much part of life as it is to be born. Of course there is grief and all sorts of emotions that are part of that for the person dying and their loved ones. And it is all part of a natural process.
We have forgotten about that in our modern day world, where we try to control everything and prevent loss from happening in whatever way we can. Because we fear the feelings that come with loss, the grief and the not-knowing what can happen next.
That is why it is so powerful when I see my clients change their relationship with grief.
When they don’t just mentally understand something about this, but shift their experience of it in their bones. When they open up to trusting, allowing and being with the gifts of grief (there are many). But without being overwhelmed by it. When grief is allowed to take it’s seat at the table, amongst the other emotions that make up our human experience.
For a coach it can be scary to work with emotions that are so intense. It might resonate with our own fears of grief and loss: ‘Oh no, what if I can’t ‘help’ (insert instead: ‘rescue’) her?’ / ‘What if he drags me down?’ / ‘What if she can’t get out of it?’. We might wonder if it’s therapy our clients need. But they are not broken, they are not ill and there is nothing wrong with them.
When you learn to use the tools of Soul-based Coaching, you learn to hold this space in a safe and powerful way. You learn how you can support their natural process of grieving. Without pushing it aside, needing it to be anything it isn’t, or fixing it for them.
You learn to balance honouring the feelings and inviting in resourcefulness so that your whole clients is the one navigating their life, and not just the grief.
And just in the space of less than an hour, wondrous things can happen.
Seeing the difference in my clients’ eyes today, I can see the distance they have travelled in our sessions. And the promise of where they are now. It’s not that the tears will no longer need to flow at times. Or that sadness isn’t welcome anymore.
To the contrary: it is all welcome now, including the incredible gifts that are wrapped up in this process.
And I saw them feel fully alive and grateful to be alive.
What an incredible gift to give.
And if you would like to learn more about how we do this is Soul-based Coaching, join our free workshop on Holding Space+.