We have all been there. A friend or a client tells us about what is hard for them at the moment, or what needs solving in their lives. And what do we do?

First, we feel for them. Because we are empathic people. We care about them and their well-being. And, depending on our character and training, we go on and take action.

We start to do something to help them. It could be through asking questions, reframing the issue (offering a more resourceful view), offering solutions or simply sharing in the suffering or offering our own similar experiences.

Of course, all these different kinds of actions have different effects. But what they have in common is that we have started to do something. And it comes from our system, our understanding, our experience, our expertise.

Well off course, you might think. That is being a good friend, or, depending on the context, what a professional coach or therapist should do.

And this is where we have an incredible opportunity to broaden our horizon ~ as well as deepen and strengthen the support we can offer others.

Because this is where we can enter the realm of Holding Space.

When we Hold Space, we are fully present, with compassion, witnessing and receiving the other’s experience, without interfering. And let that sink in for a moment, because this is something we rarely ever experience. And when you have experiences someone holding space for you, you know exactly what I am talking about. You will have felt the deeply nourishing quality of being fully allowed to be you and the spontaneous shifts that happen then.

It takes courage to Hold Space. And the payoff is enormous.

Why does it take courage?

Because it asks us to let go of our own outcomes for the other person. It asks us to let go of our judgements about what may or may not be going on, why it is happening for them or how it should or could be fixed. It asks us to completely trust them in their ability to navigate their situation, heal and transform.

I am not saying that we are not allowed to help each other or our clients. It is just that the way we habitually go about helping other people very often gets in the way of their biggest resource (yes, even when you are professionally trained).

And what is that biggest resource?

It is the flow of Shakti, of life energy that runs through all of us. It is the intelligence of Life itself flowing through your client in their own, unique way. It is how they have grown into the person they are, without diagnoses, analyses, interventions or action plans. It is the intelligence that grows us and in us from the moment of conception. It is nature itself. And it has incredible power for learning, healing and transformation.

When we Hold Space, we hold space for that energy to start flowing where it was stuck before (for whatever reason), to reconnect parts that were unconnected and to unfreeze the bits that were frozen by maybe fear or anger.

And truly magical things can happen. Shifts in awareness, attention, perception, energy. Shifts in actions, emotions and desires. Shifts in ways that are always unforeseen.

And of course, their sense of personal power and resourcefulness grows with each experience. Allowing them to trust themselves more and more.

But this only happens if we let them. If we stay out of the way for long enough. If we can learn to be comfortable with not knowing how it is going to unfold, or when exactly. If we allow this person to ride the wave of their own process.

This is why we say in all the work the Academy for Soul-based Coaching offers:

We are not here to fix

We cannot heal anyone of change anyone

They can heal and transform themselves with amazing power

We offer the circumstances that support this transformation in the most effective way

But how can we make sure we help enough, that they don’t get stuck, that it won’t take them forever? That they don’t feel uncomfortable or in pain any longer than necessary? And what to do with our own (professional) expertise? What if I know I can help them out of this predicament in 5 minutes? What is the most effective way to support them?

If you feel uncomfortable after reading this, I highly recommend downloading the free ebook, to read more about the how and why. I promise you it will open up new avenues for you, for your development and for your clients.

And, if you simply feel inspired and curious: read the ebook and dive into your practice!

~

About Annemiek van Helsdingen:

Ever since she was a young kid, she was the healer, the wanting-to-make-things-better for others. She was eager to learn more about the way the world works, people work, so that she could help. And that brought her to many places and many experiences.

The ‘acceptable’ things like:

A university degree in Corporate Change, Coach training, NLP, systems change, Clean Language & Symbolic Modelling. It all lead her to work with lots of different companies and organisations, lots of people, helping them make the changes they wanted to make.

The slightly weird things like:

Energy healing, Yin healing, Fire keeping, Meditation, ritual, priestessing. They all helped her make sense of this world and her experience of it, while supporting healing and change for individuals as well as herself (she was struggling with auto-immunity for a long time without knowing).

Over the past 20 years, she have learned a lot about what we can and cannot help with, and the ways that helping is or isn’t effective. She has combined the most powerful techniques in Soul-based Coaching and has trained and coached hundreds over the years.