Inspired by today’s Holding Space+ workshop, I realise that in some parts of our spiritual circles, Holding Space is becoming a bit of a buzz word.
Not in Soul-based Coaching.
It is a cornerstone of our work.
Want to know what it asks you to do – and what it most definitely not?
Here you go.
Do keep reading and see what you find that surprises you.
What Holding Space asks us to do:
Listen to this other person in front of you or on the phone – really – listen
Listening without filling in the gaps
Listening without thinking about your own experience with x – y or z
Listening without assuming you know anything – except that this person is an amazingly powerful divine being, no matter what they look like right now
Listening without an intent to solve things for this person
Listening without an intent to help them solve things
Listening from your heart
Listening while feeling compassion – no matter what comes up
Listening while you feel uncomfortable for them
Listening while you feel proud of them
Listening while you want to shout from the depth of your heart – there is another time for this
Listening while you feel all the places in yourself that are touched, triggered, by what is being shared, realising that this is your story, your work, and there is another time and place for sharing about this
Listening realising they are perfect and magnificent just the way they are
Listening like that even when they don’t feel or realise their perfectness and their magnificent at this time
Listening while you witness their pain, their joy and their longing
Listening while you feel your pain, your joy, your longing
Listening when all you want to do is finish their sentence
Listening as a way to honour them, exactly as they are
What Holding Space is not:
Just a hollow phrase to pretend you care
Being lazy
Hiding in the role of the ‘professional’
Ignoring responsibility for helping this person
Feeling for this person while looking for the gaps in their story that could lead to massive break-through
Zoning out, while you make a shopping list for tonight’s dinner
Busily thinking how to solve their puzzle
Getting distracted by all the great ways you can help them
Wallowing in your own feelings that might be triggered by their story
Judging this person in front of you silently for playing too small, being too insecure, being to brash …
Pitying this person in front of you for how tough they have it and how you would feel horrible too
Having an agenda for this person at this moment
Talking about your experience – no matter how relevant it may seem to you. There may be another moment where you can offer this.
The latest buzz-word in healing and personal development – it has been around for eons and it is in our bones. We just need to unlearn things that are rampant in our cultures.
A way to deflect personal responsibility in relationships
An easy way out
An excuse for facing with what is actually happening for the person you hold space for
A loving way to ignore the messy truth of someone else’s life
And that is certainly not all.
So now tell me – what does this bring up for you? What questions, insights, experiences?
And if you want to know more, check this out: https://www.academyforsoulbasedcoaching.com/get-started-with-soulbased-coaching/. Holding Space has a prominent place in this free e-course.
I very much enjoyed reading this post as holding space is indeed a cornerstone of my work. I delighted in the way that as I read the list of what is it to hold space, I found myself melting into the quality of presence that seems to fill the space as we hold it. It feels as if when we hold space we make way for something else…something like the listening ear of the universe, to join us too. Beautiful, thank you, Josie.
Gorgeous Josie, I recognise what you are saying completely. A quality of energy opens up the space, and allows for transformation to happen. Super powerful stuff!
I so enjoyed the workshop with you and Judith today. I truly felt at peace and understood while learning all at the same time. I feel a connection to what you do and teach and I can’t wait to become apart of your program. Thank you for sharing this article. I think you are spot on with the term “Holding Space”. I think we sometimes use it without intent, or as a way of doing something to let someone know we want to be there but just don’t know how.
Holding space holds so much more meaning to me now and its not something to say lightly. When you commit to holding that space, you commit to the process of truly holding that space and being present.
Again, thank you for today. It was amazing. You are amazing.
Taryn, thank you so much for sharing this. So much is possible when we open up to the essence of Holding Space. And it was so lovely to have you. Look forward to you joining us. So much magic waiting to happen!!
This topic means so much to me. And it’s a humbling one, because I know that holding space is not something that you just decide to start doing and then you can, no problem…
It really is a continual intention-setting, then noticing…how am I holding space right now? How am I not? How can I hold space better next time?
It’s really learning a new way of being with others, sometimes coming naturally, whereas other times the old habits interject and poke out, visibly or inside of me.
Sometimes I have to hold space for my own process of learning to hold space…reminding myself to grant the gift of allowing and not-needing-to-change-or-fix to my own efforts and stumbles.
Thank you Annemiek for this really important reminder in what holding space is and what it is not. <3
And when you bring this level of awareness to it, you are on the right track Paloma!
Thank you Annemiek!