I was having a solo work lunch at a busy place. When I looked up from my plate, I noticed the two men at the next table. They were in an intense conversation. And it didn’t take long to realise that they were in a coaching session.
Curious as I am about all things coaching, my attention kept being drawn to them. When I paid attention, I could hear some of what the coachee said, nothing of what the coach said. But the body language was just wonderful to read.
I saw the coach doing most of the talking. The coachee’s attention glued to his coach. His head slightly turned away, but his eyes firmly locked onto his coach. The expression on his face was mostly not one of ease.
When he started speaking, his sentences often started with ‘but’. His tone of voice often seemed to indicate he felt he had to explain himself. As the session progressed, the coachee was nodding more, laughing more, and they were even laughing together. You could tell they had found the way forward together, the groove of the session.
Even without hearing all the content, it was very clear who the authority was in the session. Who was staying close to his knowing. This coach was in charge of this session. Clearly.
And his coachee was on a journey of finding out what to do differently. Seemingly going through phases of self-doubt, a bit of fear, relief, understanding and towards the end: gratitude. In the end, both of them looked content, (facial) muscles relaxed and eyes glowing.
A lot of coaching looks like that. A coachee eager to learn and change (even if it’s not all comfortable), and a coach eager to help.
A Soul-based Coaching session looks very different. Our client does most of the talking. And what they talk about, is mostly new information that they are uncovering in the moment. The coach asking questions and repeating answers to help build a river bed for the client’s exploration. Because of the way the coach does this, the information that comes up is what brings on deep changes for the coachee. And both coach and coachee are full of curiosity about what is happening and how this change happens organically. Both of them feel carried by the process and Life itself.
No checking with the coach of what they think or feel is right.
No judgments made by the coach.
No interpretations by the coach.
No “I know better than you about you”.
Because a Soul-based Coach knows (s)he does not have the answers, but they help birth them. And the changes that happen for their clients tend to work and are robust.
This way, clients are diving deeply into their own soul-based knowing. And they not only learn to embrace themselves with all that they are (messy parts and all), they also learn to trust themselves fully.
So next time you are in a coaching context, notice what is happening: what kind of coaching dynamic is this? Who is in charge? And does the client feel seen, heard, celebrated and empowered in their uniqueness? Are they in charge of uncovering the answers? Do they feel carried by the process? And of course: are they making the changes they are longing to make?
And to find out more, join the free Soul-based Coaching Immersion now, and experience the difference for yourself.
The question that arises for me is: if I, as a coaching client, want help making a plan to move forward toward my goals and dreams, actual steps, and guidance and follow-through around that, will it all just be images and metaphors with the soul-based method and no concrete clarity and action?
And as a coach, I have a huge body of tools and practices that really help my clients–for instance, to feel and know their feelings and needs, to love themselves better, to manage their time in a sacred way, to let go of fears and transform false beliefs. These are powerful, life-changing tools. In order to teach these, I do have to do some talking and instructing, not just drawing out the client. Where does this fit in your model or does it?
Hi Maxima, great questions. With the first topic you will see that metaphors and real life are completely complimentary and flow into each other. So yes, we would be using metaphor, and you would have an action plan when that is what you want. When the metaphor(s) are well developed, we find that the action plans are so logical that they often require very little conscious planning or check up on follow through. And of course we would check up on them, to see if actual life is indeed shaping up the way you want it to be, and if you are doing the things you said you would be doing. The metaphors are not just nice images, they are the ‘programming’ you run, and when the programs change, the clarity becomes very clear and the actions almost self-explanatory. So we work at the root level.
And it is super powerful to have the tools and practices that you have. What we find in Soul-based Coaching is that we could insert these tools, but that our clients usually have a more aligned way to realise the specific thing within themselves than the way the tools offer. I also have a huge body of work to draw from, and while these can be very valuable practices, I am amazed every time by the effectiveness, the efficiency and the level of soul congruence involved when I allow clients to explore and create their own ways of making their desired change happen. Which is why I hardly use other tools anymore. And I see that a lot with people in the Academy.
But there is no reason why you can’t ‘mix and match’ when you know how to help people make their own soul-based changes, you can see what you enjoy most, and what fits your clients best in any given situation.
Let me know if that answers your questions!
Yes, it does! Thank you.
You are welcome!