Soul-based Coaching invites the intelligence that our soul carries. Why?

Einstein said it beautifully: “The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.”

We spend our days in our logical minds, thinking it will get us all the answers. Or we might be engulfed in the wanderings of our emotions, and the way they keep us engaged.

Our soul, that part of our spirit that incarnated into this body, has its own wisdom. And it’s a wisdom that is far greater than that of our logical mind.

But listening to it, is not always easy. Your thoughts, a lot of them habits, often drown out the other voice. It’s a softer voice. One that lives in and through your body.

To practice your own ability to listen to that voice, you can meditate, dance, or draw. Do that thing that carries your logical mind away in a good way. And we could easily write a book just about this.

But today, I want to share with you how you can invite others to connect to their soul wisdom, when you are in conversation with them.

Because that intelligence, that knowing, is always there for all of us. If we just stop and start to pay attention. Here are five very practical things you can do, to help people bring out that deeper knowing:

1. Stop paraphrasing

We have learned that this is part of ‘good communication skills’. For example, when a friend tells you: ‘I just don’t know how I’ll get everything done this week’, and you respond ‘Ah, yes, you are busy’. It seems innocent enough, a fair interpretation of what they are experiencing. We are taught to do this to show the other person we listened, we heard, we understand. And to some extend, that is what happens.

But on a soul-level, we are adding our perspective to what they are experiencing just by using different words. And this is adding yourself, as a person, in the mix of what is going on in that moment for your friend. It is taking them away from their experience in the moment. And their experience in the moment, that is the portal into their deepest knowing. It doesn’t even matter what exactly they are experiencing. The key is in the experiencing itself.

What you can do instead, to support your friend to connect with their experience, is to ‘parrot-phrase’ instead. To use some of their literal words, and repeat those back to them. It will seem strange to do at first, but it will be like a warm bath for the person you are talking to. An invitation to open the door into their deeper knowing.

2. Let go of your perceptions

This is almost like saying: stop breathing. We are human beings, and as Anais Nin said: ‘We don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are.’ We cannot help but see, hear, feel something that is happening, and attach a certain meaning to it. That perception, that can get in the way really easily. When we want to encourage someone to connect with their soul knowing, we want them to not be distracted. And your perceptions are a great distraction for them. Their logical mind is interested in whether we agree of disagree with their soul knowing, whether we respect them for who they are and what they say or feel. So they will be the first to start doubting what they know in their soul to be true. Especially if it is about something important to them, something on the edge of what they familiar with about themselves. So especially if they are in a process of change.

Every time I ask a group of people to see a rose in their mind’s eye, there will not be any two roses exactly the same. This shows us, that our internal experiences are actually always different from each other. Knowing this helps me to stay curious about their soul knowing. When I hear someone talking, and I feel my feelings and hear my thoughts as a response to that, I remember to start asking carefully phrased questions.

A great question to ask, about anything, is ‘and is there anything else about that?’. It is another nudge, another invitation to start opening the door that leads to miracles.

3. Be in your body

Soul-based wisdom lives in our bodies. It is literally connected to our bones, the blood in our vessels, the sensations in our stomach, the tingling of our crown. For everyone in their own unique way. You could use the chakra system as a map, but in Soul-based Coaching, there is no need to bring a map. The living, breathing body of your coachee is the map. And in our conversation, we keep inviting our coachee’s awareness back into what is happening for them, and what they know from there in the moment. We do it subtly and in a way that asks people to only take the next step that is right for them. It has a very intuitive flow.

One of the best things you can do when you are in a conversation, is to remember that you are in a body too. That you are your body. To stop thinking really hard about their story, their circumstances or what you could do for them. Instead, just try and hold yourself back for a little while. Sink into your body. Listen to them.

You can use your breath as a way in, if you could use some help. You being in your body, is an energetic invitation for the person you are speaking with, to do the same. Most people easily pick up that cue, and start becoming more aware of their own body too. And the bonus for you is that it’s a lot easier to pick up on your own soul wisdom.

4. Don’t be attached to the outcome

To invite the soul-based knowing in from someone else, one thing that doesn’t work is to secretly work according to your own agenda. Of course, we usually are not manipulating like that (unless it’s with my 5- year old, I have to confess. There are times I am a little less interested in her soul knowing, and I am pressed for time. It pains me to say that I can still outmaneuver her.) But normally, we are not like that. We have the best intentions for the people we are in conversation with. We care for them. And we would like for them to not suffer, we would like to make life easier for them. And we quickly get ideas about what is going on for them, and sometimes even more quickly see how things can be solved for them. This ‘solving-reflex’ is ingrained in us. We almost cannot help ourselves. And we start to hint, or ask in the direction that would get the other person there. Or we just plain tell them what we think. We have gotten attached to what we think should be the outcome.

What do you think happens to their soul wisdom? It is not invited into the mix. Often, they will start to wonder if what you are saying is true, and what about it would work for them. And what about it wouldn’t work for them. So they step away from the source of their own awareness, to pay attention to what came out of your awareness. And it’s not easy to go back into soul-based intelligence after that. It’s like they have to start again – unless they are very strongly rooted in their soul knowing, and it’s not about an area that is changing for them.

So, once more: be curious and stay curious. And if you cannot help doing something to support them, repeat some of their literal words back to them and just ask this question: ‘And what would you like to have happen?’ Let them find the words to express what their desired outcome is. At least you will start to work towards that, and not towards a figment of your imagination.

5. Stop making yourself responsible

Starting to work with soul-based knowing, one thing has to be incredible clear: you are not responsible for what others do or don’t do. This might be an open door, but there are too many coaches out there who feel responsible for their clients success. Equally, this can sound as if you don’t have to take this work seriously, but that’s not it at all. As Soul-based Coaches, we are responsible for offering the process that will get our clients to their deepest knowing. The way we do that leads to deep and lasting transformations, that are fully in line with their deepest knowing and their purpose in this life.

But the content of what they work with, the soul-based knowing that opens itself up for them, the answers that they might find, or not yet find, that is not on you. So even if you know the situation they are talking about intimately, you still give them all the space they need to find their own ways of dealing with it. Of growing from it, learning from it. It will by definition not be your way. This might make you feel uncomfortable, because you cannot control it. But it might also give you a sense of the enormous freedom there is for your clients and for you, when you can handle this responsibility over to it’s rightful owner: your client.

And to do this, yet again: be and stay curious about how this will unfold for them. Ask questions with the intent for them to find more of their soul’s wisdom. Questions that keep them with their own experience. David Grove’s Clean Language Questions are perfect for this. Just try a few:

• And is there anything else about this?
• And where is [literal word(s)]?
• And then what happens?
• And what would you like to have happen?

Your clients, or the dear ones you have your conversations with, will thank you. And I love hearing about your experiences and questions. Come and find us on Facebook.