Can you trust clients to come up with their own answers?

by | Jan 29, 2023

Do you DO something, or trust clients to find their own answers?


You may recognise this in some shape or form.

When someone hurts, you want to help them. 

Especially if they voice it or show it in a way that is familiar to you:

Feelings of anger, frustration, grief.

Tears, or big questions that they just can’t answer.

This is where our ‘helper’ genes get activated, and before you know it, you have gathered all your tools and put on your super-suit, and there you go… (metaphorically of course).

Of course, in your training, in life, you have learned that you can’t help everybody. And that it’s a good idea to ask for permission if there is no immediate danger. That there are multiple ways to help.

But… There is always a deep impulse to DO something.

Because how can we let people ‘drown’?

This is one of the premises that we explore in Soul-based Coaching: we start by holding space, with a trust that clients will find their own answers. But does that mean we are letting them ‘drown’?

A wonderful Dutch coach trainer shared recently how it wasn’t fair to trust clients to find their own answers. How it is ‘leaving people to their own devices’, ‘leaving them to fend for themselves’.

And that is very juicy territory to explore.

Because I think that is true.

You can’t always trust people to come up with their own answers.

But mostly so if you do not have the skills to guide people towards those answers.

in the Soul-based Coaching community, we know that those ‘own answers’ are waiting within the clients’ metaphor landscapes. They are there, right in their subconscious minds, in their bodies, waiting to be tapped into and activated.

And with Soul-based Coaching, we know exactly how to reach these personal answers (even if we don’t know what they are), and how to help our clients activate them.

Today, a client did a ‘trust’ transplant with her 5-yr old self. Not something I would have come up with (though it’s not the first metaphorical surgery I’ve come across). And during the session, it was so clear how there was a very emotionally moving, embodied, energetically charged healing process that the client started for herself, and then, with a little help from me, was able to conclude. It brought a very big shift that will be integrating over the next while.

Why would I not just share steps to build more inner trust?

Or explain why that trust wasn’t there to the levels the client wanted it?

Well, my client already knew enough about the why. Some of it from her own stories, some of it came through in the form of body wisdom in the session.

And nothing I would have done would have been more effective than this tailor-made solution that the client’s system birthed.

(By the way, that trust was in relation to her process of selling her offerings, and so we will be joyfully waiting to see what will happen with that. Real life impact is what it’s all about. But that follows the inner shift.)

As my mentor James Lawley said: “There are many places people can go to get expert advice. But there are very few places people can go to learn more about themselves like this work helps them do.”

And I would add: there are very few places people can go to activate their own potential for healing and change just- like- that.

Come and find out how to make that magic happen!

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Photo credit: Diana Simumpande on Unsplash


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Love that you are here! It’s a pleasure to share what I’ve learned in 25 yrs of coaching and teaching coaches since 2006. At the Academy for Soul-based Coaching, the team and me have reached 1000s of coaches, therapists and healers, helping them have phenomenal, embodied results.

On a personal note, I’m a bi-sexual, perimenopausal (read sleep-deprived) self-anointed Priestess who craves the spiritual as much as I do the practical, connecting seeming opposites in true Gemini style – and that is about all I know about astrology.

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