In the fire needing to find the way out

by | Apr 26, 2023

We all have periods in our lives that are very hard. When we wonder if we will even get to the other side. Faced with a new truth that pulls the rug from under us. When part of us is dying because we face big loss. Or when we need to shed essential ideas of who we are, or what our relationships turn out to be.

These periods are inextricably linked to being human.
They invite us invite into initiation.

It is where those parts die, but also, with time, where we shed our skin and grow. Our tears, fears and anger lead to deeply lived new wisdom.

Fourteen years ago, I found myself in an impossible situation.

I’d left my country to be with the person I wanted to share my life with. His daughter was my first chance of some form of motherhood – something I’d been waiting for for almost a decade, with earlier experiences causing me to question if I could conceive.

But after a year, it all fell apart when he told me he changed his mind, and he didn’t want more children.

As this was the one thing that I explicitly asked him about when we first met, being totally willing to walk away if having another child wasn’t wat he wanted, this was a BIG thing.

Of course, changing one’s mind is possible and allowed.
But the implications for me and for the foundations of our relationship were huge.

For months I was in limbo, not knowing whether to stay or go.
Stay in the relationship, stay in my new country.

Everything I thought my life was after taking such big steps, was turned upside down. Was my partner more important than that deep seated longing? Could the connection between the two of us to whether life’s biggest storms together? Was I to lose my only chance of semi-motherhood and the connection with this incredible girl?

There was no logical solution, no matter how hard I tried to find one.

I was in the fire needing to find the way out.

In the end, this is what I did, drawing on my coaching skills and the ability I’ve grown over the years to stay present with myself while processing.

I went to a beautiful nature reserve in our area and found a spot to become present and root myself in my body and that moment.

And then I asked myself where the path of staying was.
It turned out to be to the left and leading up a steep hill.

I then asked myself where the path of leaving was.
That went to the right, with an almost 180 degrees difference. It seemed a bit non-descript, non-eventful from where I was sitting.

I then walked both walk that for a little while, noticing what I noticed (how I felt emotionally, what my body did, what thoughts popped up, where my attention went).

And brought myself back to the first spot to sit with what I knew in that moment.

My body was very clear on the path it wanted to choose.

The first path, staying, presented itself with lots of challenges.

The other path, seemingly non-descript, became wide open spacious rolling hills with lots of possibilities that felt very light.

It was 100% clear what I was to do.

And even though there was big loss and heartache, a very unclear future starting over again (I was 37) and a lot of practical upheaval (including moving back to The Netherlands), it has brought me to my spacious hills that I am grateful for every day.

Including the gift of my daughter.

This is an example of a process that can unfold as part of a Soul-based Coaching session.

Sometimes this happens in actual, physical space, like I did it. And often it happens in the client’s perceptual space (aka they go through a similar kind of process on a semi-trance like journey, while sitting in their chair).

Lots of things can happen on these client journeys, hurdles and blocks that come up, dragons that need slaying – or flying with, caterpillars cocooning and turning into goo before they become the butterflies they are meant to be, initiations into Goddess paths, becoming one with Earth.

But clarity always happens.
And healing and change start to happen as needed.


If you want more tools to work with Body, Mind & Soul to help people live their best lives, that join us for the *free* Soul-based Coaching Workshop Series happening soon.


  1. Adhikari

    Such a beautiful process and way you listened to your body as it walked the 2 different paths…thanks for sharing…I am always asking my body and heart what is wants and encouraging clients to do this and your way of walking to reveal this is just so glorious! I will share with clients…LOVE

    • Academy for Soul-based Coaching

      Enjoy Adhikari, and let us know what happens!

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